Category Archives: Uncategorized

An Audience Of One

I wrote this many years ago but was reminded of it this morning as I began to question my abilities and found myself seeking the approval of man. It reminded me to keep my eyes on the composer of my life and off perfection.

 

Mathew 6:1 {The Message Bible} Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but God who made you won’t be applauding.

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Let my life be played before an audience of one. Let every step I take, every word I speak be orchestrated by the divine conductor of my life. As I sing His song, share His love and console His hurting, let it not be for applause but for the Glory of God. There have been numerous years of effort to get to this place, a position where the evaluation of man no longer holds the weight it once did for me. I had sought the applause of man to make up for my lack of destiny and assurance of whom I was created to be. I have performed like a paid actor seeking an agent to tell me that I got my part right. There were many situations when I was sincere in my service but if nobody noticed, it was as if God himself gave me a bad review. When did I stop performing to the crowd and start performing before an audience of one? I cannot tell at what moment it started, I just know that all of a sudden it did not matter as much what others thought. I still feel the tug every once in awhile, a craving to be approved of, a longing to satisfy others. There are days that I long to hear, well done from my fellow performers in the drama of life. I appreciate that only the writer of the script knows if I am doing a good job at my performance, any one else can only tell me if I have tickled their fancy. I will continue to seek the gaze of my director cast upon me as I follow His script, watching His expression, hoping and yearning for His academy award at the end of my life. .

Foolish Things

1 Corinthians 1:26-27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

God’s Calling

26 Brothers and sisters, consider who you were when God called you to salvation. Not many of you were wise scholars by human standards, nor were many of you in positions of power. Not many of you were considered the elite when you answered God’s call27 But God chose those whom the world considers foolish to shame those who think they are wise, and God chose the puny and powerless to shame[a]the high and mighty.

 

Foolish Things                            Unknown-2.jpeg

How foolish to trust in the unseen, to put all our confidence and hopes in someone who is invisible.

I’ve learned to depend on a silent voice speaking to me at the hub of my being. It is a presence that reminds me that I belong to the great ocean of His existence. When I sit in the midst of this silence something in me awakens to the veracity that this is my life force. It is in this still quiet place that I find refuge in God. Jesus often spoke about the Kingdom of God being within, yet we look every place but there. He encourages us to be still and know that I am God. When we let go of the nobility of our own thoughts, when mighty and impressive ideas have been swept away by the ocean of Gods presence we are left with the essence of God. In this stillness we can begin to get to the core of who we really are.  For undeniably, we have been called to the foolish things of Christ, it seems so irrational to push past everything that has been so dignified and established in my life, but as I am emptied of the images I’ve created, I am left with the foolish notion that I am a reflection of this massive ocean of Gods presence. I will live in this foolish notion satisfied that I am more than I ever dreamed or thought. I will trust in the invisible presence of God as He floods the eye of my heart with His light.  I will keep choosing to go beyond the veil of want and need of right and wrong to the incredible inheritance I have in Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

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Integrity with Self

 

duk1n-what-matters-is-how-see-youself.jpg

I find in my work, as a Life Coach that loss is something that almost everyone goes through.

Loss is very real and not always fun even when you know there is life and life abundantly on the other side.  I am discovering that life is not about winning but enjoying what you have already won.

A lesson I have only learned through perceived loss and then the realization if I let it go it is no longer loss but a lesson.

This experience has been an adventure.  I have meet many adversaries on the way some of them have been without but I hate to admit most of them have been within. The Spirit has helped me to navigate through the dark days. It is comforting to know that I have a navigation system within. I am constantly resetting my compass to success as I learn that there are no failures in life as long as you are a lifetime learner.

I will learn what I need from this destination on my journey. I know life will not stop here even if it might feel that way in the moment. I will keep going, each experience will add to my life. I am learning to let people handle their own emotions and feelings. I am only responsible for how I handle myself.

This has been a tough lesson. I am choosing to be open to other perspectives without judgment. There are times other will not understand who you are. They will judge your position or try to convince you of their superior position or knowledge of where they think you should be. I know this because I have taken that stance my self.

It is true that we all can learn so much from one another, but I have learned to be entangled with any person in your life means death to your own ability to hear from God.

I think the clinical name for it is co-dependent.

To live in integrity with my self I have had to step away from every controlling or co-dependent relationship.

I am learning to help people in a whole new way, to ask questions that causes them to seek the answers that come from the Holy Spirit and not play that role myself. There has been so many times when I really thought I knew what was going on in someone else only to learn that that was what I needed to look at in myself or perhaps a judgment I had come to about another.

I am learning to tread this path carefully, not to get entangled in another person’s stuff or believe I have the answers for everyone.

Its been challenging for I do believe that I can come along side those I am called to and support them as they seek to hear from their own internal guide. It has been an interesting journey to this point and there have been times I have crossed the line into areas I am now seeing I did not belong.

When I left my marriage I went through a period of pain and grief. It caused me to look deep into my heart and examine my motives.

I had to come to peace with the women I was in the past to enter into the new season I was walking into. I have begun to experience a freedom I had only dreamed about. I have begun to honor and cherish the women I was created to be. Strength and wisdom have arisen in me and as they have I am learning to embrace them. When you awaken to your authentic self not everyone will appreciate it. I have grieved over the judgments that have been thrown at me and cringed over how other people have perceived my strengths. All of this has helped me to learn to live in the no judgment zone, as I have let go of what I perceived others thought of me. Well-meaning statements and opinions have caused me to search for truth. Truth does not always come quickly; sometimes truth exposes lies that you believe about your self. In that moment you get to decide what you are going to believe. Perhaps your inner beliefs have contributed to the misunderstanding others have about you. I am learning you don’t have to tell them they are wrong. You only need to change what you believe about yourself.

A Wasted Life

49014fdb9f6c362c5f823302d2834bd2.jpg

The characteristic I believe God wants to develop in all of us is the ability to live a grateful life.

In the seventh chapter of Luke Jesus is having a meal at one of the Pharisees homes. As they sat down to dinner a women from the town heard Jesus was a guest in the house so she brings her very expensive bottle of perfume that represented almost everything she owned, she knelt down next to Jesus and began to wash His feet with her tears, she anointed his feet with the perfume from the bottle and wiped them with her hair all the while kissing his feet.

Well you can imagine the response the Pharisees had.  I am sure they looked at Mary not only a woman but also a woman who had a past, as they looked at her, I can only envision the judgments they began to pass on her. Not only did they judge Mary but also they immediately started to criticize Jesus. Well if this man were a prophet he would know what kind of women this was and not allow her to touch Him.

Judgment kept them from being able to discern the spirit behind Mary’s act. They missed a monumental moment in history because they were to busy judging.

How often are we like the Pharisees? We see something happening and we quickly make a judgment about the person or situation. Judgment is a dangerous thing in the hands of humans. When we judge we lose the ability to discern. Discernment is a gift from God. When we discern we see the spirit behind what someone is doing. This is an important gift, when we see the spirit behind something it preserves the person. We can then discern if it is from God or the devil. Its never about the person its about who they are representing in that moment.

Jesus’ response is to turn to Simon the Pharisee and begin to tell him a story about two men. The message Bible reads like this “Two men were in debt. One owed five hundred silver pieces and the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful? Simon answered I suppose the one who was forgiven the most. That’s right said Jesus Then turning to the women but speaking to Simon he said, “Do you see this women? I came to your house you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn’t quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive isn’t it? She was forgiven many, many sins and she is very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal the gratitude is minimal.”

Mary had a spirit of gratitude.

So what does a grateful heart look like? Let’s take a look at Mary.

 

Mary of Bethany and Mary Magdalene are often confused. Mary Magdalene appeared to be a leader of a group of women that the bible says followed and cared for the needs of Jesus from the beginning of his ministry till his death. She was healed of serious afflictions described as “from who seven demons had gone out”, she was a witness to Jesus’ death and according to the book of John was the first one Jesus appeared to after He arose from the tomb. Mary Magdalene is not the Mary portrayed in the story I just read about the washing of Jesus’s feet. The Mary in this story is Mary of Bethany. Mary and her sister Martha were close friends with Jesus he visited them in their home. Remember Mary sat at the feet of Jesus while her sister ran around busing herself with cooking, all the while judging Mary for making the wrong decision.  Jesus affirmed that Mary was doing the right thing, she knew who held the Kingdom of God and how to position herself to receive it.

Mary brought herself low and ceased her work she sat at His feet to signify that He was her master; she humbled herself before the Lord and received the greater thing.

When Mary and Martha’s brother Lazarus became ill, Jesus delayed in coming until Lazarus was dead.

It was Mary that ran out to greet Jesus. She must have been terribly disappointed that Jesus did not make it in time to heal her brother yet we read that she fell at his feet and worshiped him. She appreciated Jesus for who he was, not what He did for her, and she was not afraid to show her gratitude.

It was shortly after this that Mary came to the dinner party and poured the perfume from the bottle on her beloved’s feet. Those around her thought what a waste. Mary knew her beloved and had spent many hours sitting at her master’s feet. It’s at our master’s feet that we learn His voice. I believe God directed Mary to fulfill her destiny by preparing Jesus for what was to come. Mary took the time to know Jesus not just to serve him but also to know him. To sit at his feet and learn from him, to bow down to him and worship him even when it appeared he had failed her. She believed and trusted God. She showed her gratitude to Jesus firstly by ceasing her work and sitting at his feet,  and by worshipping him in difficult time. Lastly she walked in a room past the fear of man past the judging eyes, her focus was directed at the one who had given her so much. Mary in those moments wasted her life for him. As her tears washed the feet of the one who brought the good news she prepared those feet for the long hard journey that they were about to take to Golgotha. God choose her to anoint Jesus, her love poured out in gratitude for all he was to her. Because she was humble she was exalted by God to be the one to anoint him in preparation for his death.

God poured His grace out on Mary as she poured out the love Jesus had sown into her on so many occasions.

What is Gods grace? Many define it as God’s Richs’s at Christ’s expense which is true and beautiful, but I like to look at it in simple terms “Gods love set free” Grace entails all that God has originally intended for man since the beginning of time, but could not bestow upon us because of what happen in the garden of Eden.

He is now free to pour that grace out on us because of the finished work of the cross. Jesus has satisfied the debt of sin that we inherited from Adam and Eve by the cruel act of crucifixion. God’s love is now free to us who have accepted Him as our Savior.

Do you know that when Jesus went to the cross he took all judgment on his body? If he took it all it means there is no judgment left. Jesus paid in full. God is not judging you so neither should you. You are the Righteousness of Jesus Christ. If that doesn’t sound convincing, think about what the Lords prayer says. Thy Kingdom come they will be done on earth as it is in heaven. We can experience the Kingdom of God here on earth we don’t have to wait for the by and by. I mean really if you belong to God the only thing you should be striving to do is to enter into the rest of God. Realize that 2000 years ago Jesus did everything that needs to be done. All you really need to do is to be sure that you belong to Him. Once you do you can stop struggling to do everything right. Stop focusing on all you should be and start realizing all you are because who you belong to.

Do you have a Mary heart? Are you willing to stop working to please God, instead to sit at His feet and listen to His voice and learn His ways? Are you willing to be still enough to be known by Jesus?

Will you worship Him with a grateful heart even when you prayers are not answered and you loose the things that mean the most to you?

Will you walk past the applause and the criticism of man to waste your life on the only one who can bring you life?

Mary lived a life of gratitude and so can we. I am sure every one wants to hear Jesus tell them that they choose the right thing. So fix your eyes on your master and pour out everything that is precious to you in gratitude for the life he wasted for you.

 

There is much controversy around who Mary in this story is, here is information from

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Anointing of Jesus[edit]

Main article: Anointing of Jesus

A narrative in which Mary of Bethany plays a central role is the anointing of Jesus, an event reported in the Gospel of Johnin which a woman pours the entire contents of an alabastronof very expensive perfumeover the feet[Jn 12:3]of Jesus. Only in this account[Jn 12:1–8]is the woman identified as Mary, with the earlier reference in John 11:1–2establishing her as the sister of Martha and Lazarus.

 

Christ in the House of Simonby Dieric Bouts, 1440s (Staatliche Museen, Berlin)

Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Marytook about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

— John 12:1–8,New International Version

 

Integrity With Self

 

duk1n-what-matters-is-how-see-youself.jpg

 

I find in my work, as a Life Coach that loss is something that almost everyone goes through.

Loss is very real and not always fun even when you know there is life and life abundantly on the other side.  I am discovering that life is not about winning but enjoying what you have already won.

A lesson I have only learned through perceived loss and then the realization if I let it go it is no longer loss but a lesson.

This experience has been an adventure.  I have meet many adversaries on the way some of them have been without but I hate to admit most of them have been within. The Spirit has helped me to navigate through the dark days. It is comforting to know that I have a navigation system within. I am constantly resetting my compass to success as I learn that there are no failures in life as long as you are a lifetime learner.

I will learn what I need from this destination on my journey. I know life will not stop here even if it might feel that way in the moment. I will keep going, each experience will add to my life. I am learning to let people handle their own emotions and feelings. I am only responsible for how I handle myself.

This has been a tough lesson. I am choosing to be open to other perspectives without judgment. There are times other will not understand who you are. They will judge your position or try to convince you of their superior position or knowledge of where they think you should be. I know this because I have taken that stance my self.

It is true that we all can learn so much from one another, but I have learned to be entangled with any person in your life means death to your own ability to hear from God.

I think the clinical name for it is co-dependent.

To live in integrity with my self I have had to step away from every controlling or co-dependent relationship.

I am learning to help people in a whole new way, to ask questions that causes them to seek the answers that come from the Holy Spirit and not play that role myself. There has been so many times when I really thought I knew what was going on in someone else only to learn that that was what I needed to look at in myself or perhaps a judgment I had come to about another.

I am learning to tread this path carefully, not to get entangled in another person’s stuff or believe I have the answers for everyone.

Its been challenging for I do believe that I can come along side those I am called to and support them as they seek to hear from their own internal guide. It has been an interesting journey to this point and there have been times I have crossed the line into areas I am now seeing I did not belong.

When I left my marriage 7 years ago I went through a period of pain and grief. It caused me to look deep into my heart and examine my motives.

I had to come to peace with the women I was in the past to enter into the new season I was walking into. I have begun to experience a freedom I had only dreamed about. I have begun to honor and cherish the women I was created to be. Strength and wisdom have arisen in me and as they have I am learning to embrace them. When you awaken to your authentic self not everyone will appreciate it. I have grieved over the judgments that have been thrown at me and cringed over how other people have perceived my strengths. All of this has helped me to learn to live in the no judgment zone, as I have let go of what I perceived others thought of me. Well-meaning statements and opinions have caused me to search for truth. Truth does not always come quickly; sometimes truth exposes lies that you believe about your self. In that moment you get to decide what you are going to believe. Perhaps your inner beliefs have contributed to the misunderstanding others have about you. I am learning you don’t have to tell them they are wrong. You only need to change what you believe.

My desire is to live my life honestly I have to admit even as I say it I struggle to get out of my own way.

That is where my commitment to life in the Spirit comes in. My spirit is at peace with the Spirit of God. When I am in alignment with His Spirit I may not know where I am going but I know whom I am going with and this is all I need. Writing has helped me connect to those moments. I pray one day that I will have no days that I travel to the land of doubt and fear, until that day I will keep grabbing the hand of my Jesus as he pulls me out of the quick sands of my fears and doubt.

I would love feed back from you, leave a message. How has your journey through grief or unexpected circumstances changed you?

 

A Wasted Life

 

 

 

49014fdb9f6c362c5f823302d2834bd2.jpg

 

The characteristic I believe God wants to develop in all of us is the ability to live a grateful life.

In the seventh chapter of Luke Jesus is having a meal at one of the Pharisees homes. As they sat down to dinner a women from the town heard Jesus was a guest in the house so she brings her very expensive bottle of perfume that represented almost everything she owned, she knelt down next to Jesus and began to wash His feet with her tears, she anointed his feet with the perfume from the bottle and wiped them with her hair all the while kissing his feet.

Well you can imagine the response the Pharisees had.  I am sure they looked at Mary not only a woman but also a woman who had a past, as they looked at her, I can only envision the judgments they began to pass on her. Not only did they judge Mary but also they immediately started to criticize Jesus. Well if this man were a prophet he would know what kind of women this was and not allow her to touch Him.

Judgment kept them from being able to discern the spirit behind Mary’s act. They missed a monumental moment in history because they were to busy judging.

How often are we like the Pharisees? We see something happening and we quickly make a judgment about the person or situation. Judgment is a dangerous thing in the hands of humans. When we judge we lose the ability to discern. Discernment is a gift from God. When we discern we see the spirit behind what someone is doing. This is an important gift when we see the spirit behind something it preserves the person. We can then discern if it is from God or the devil. Its never about the person its about who they are representing in that moment.

Jesus’ response is to turn to Simon the Pharisee and begin to tell him a story about two men. The message Bible reads like this “Two men were in debt. One owed five hundred silver pieces and the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful? Simon answered I suppose the one who was forgiven the most. That’s right said Jesus Then turning to the women but speaking to Simon he said, “Do you see this women? I came to your house you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn’t quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive isn’t it? She was forgiven many, many sins and she is very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal the gratitude is minimal.”

Mary had a spirit of gratitude.

So what does a grateful heart look like? Let’s take a look at Mary.

 

Mary of Bethany and Mary Magdalene are often confused. Mary Magdalene appeared to be a leader of a group of women that the bible says followed and cared for the needs of Jesus from the beginning of his ministry till his death. She was healed of serious afflictions described as “from who seven demons had gone out”, she was a witness to Jesus’ death and according to the book of John was the first one Jesus appeared to after He arose from the tomb. Mary Magdalene is not the Mary portrayed in the story I just read about the washing of Jesus’s feet. The Mary in this story is Mary of Bethany.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Anointing of Jesus[edit]

Main article: Anointing of Jesus

A narrative in which Mary of Bethany plays a central role is the anointing of Jesus, an event reported in the Gospel of Johnin which a woman pours the entire contents of an alabastronof very expensive perfumeover the feet[Jn 12:3]of Jesus. Only in this account[Jn 12:1–8]is the woman identified as Mary, with the earlier reference in John 11:1–2establishing her as the sister of Martha and Lazarus.

 

Christ in the House of Simonby Dieric Bouts, 1440s (Staatliche Museen, Berlin)

Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Marytook about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

— John 12:1–8, New International Version

Mary and her sister Martha were close friends with Jesus he visited them in their home. Remember Mary sat at the feet of Jesus while her sister ran around busing herself with cooking, all the while judging Mary for making the wrong decision.  Jesus affirmed that Mary was doing the right thing, she knew who held the Kingdom of God and how to position herself to receive it.

Mary brought herself low and ceased her work she sat at His feet to signify that He was her master; she humbled herself before the Lord and received the greater thing.

When Mary and Martha’s brother Lazarus became ill, Jesus delayed in coming until Lazarus was dead.

It was Mary that ran out to greet Jesus. She must have been terribly disappointed that Jesus did not make it in time to heal her brother yet we read that she fell at his feet and worshiped him. She appreciated Jesus for who he was, not what He did for her, and she was not afraid to show her gratitude.

It was shortly after this that Mary came to the dinner party and poured the perfume from the bottle on her beloved’s feet. Those around her thought what a waste. Mary knew her beloved and had spent many hours sitting at her master’s feet. It’s at our master’s feet that we learn His voice. I believe God directed Mary to fulfill her destiny by preparing Jesus for what was to come. Mary took the time to know Jesus not just to serve him but also to know him. To sit at his feet and learn from him, to bow down to him and worship him even when it appeared he had failed her. She believed and trusted God. She showed her gratitude to Jesus firstly by ceasing her work and sitting at his feet, by worshipping him in difficult time. Lastly she walked in a room past the fear of man past the judging eyes, her focus was directed at the one who had given her so much. Mary in those moments wasted her life for him. As her tears washed the feet of the one who brought the good news she prepared those feet for the long hard journey that they were about to take to Golgotha. God choose her to anoint Jesus, her love poured out in gratitude for all he was to her. Because she was humble she was exalted by God to be the one to anoint him in preparation for his death.

God poured His grace out on Mary as she poured out the love Jesus had sown into her on so many occasions.

What is Gods grace? Many define it as God’s Richs’s at Christ’s expense which is true and beautiful, but I like to look at it in simple terms “Gods love set free” Grace entails all that God has originally intended for man since the beginning of time, but could not bestow upon us because of what happen in the garden of Eden.

He is now free to pour that grace out on us because of the finished work of the cross. Jesus has satisfied the debt of sin that we inherited from Adam and Eve by the cruel act of crucifixion. God’s love is now free to us who have accepted Him as our Savior.

Do you know that when Jesus went to the cross he took all judgment on his body? If he took it all it means there is no judgment left. Jesus paid in full. God is not judging you so neither should you. You are the Righteousness of Jesus Christ. If that doesn’t sound convincing, think about what the Lords prayer says. Thy Kingdom come they will be done on earth as it is in heaven. We can experience the Kingdom of God here on earth we don’t have to wait for the by and by. I mean really if you belong to God the only thing you should be striving to do is to enter into the rest of God. Realize that 2000 years ago Jesus did everything that needs to be done. All you really need to do is to be sure that you belong to Him. Once you do you can stop struggling to do everything right. Stop focusing on all you should be and start realizing all you are because who you belong to.

Do you have a Mary heart? Are you willing to stop working to please God, instead to sit at His feet and listen to His voice and learn His ways? Are you willing to be still enough to be known by Jesus?

Will you worship Him with a grateful heart even when you prayers are not answered and you loose the things that mean the most to you?

Will you walk past the applause and the criticism of man to waste your life on the only one who can bring you life?

Mary lived a life of gratitude and so can we. I am sure every one wants to hear Jesus tell them that they choose the right thing. So fix your eyes on your master and pour out everything that is precious to you in gratitude for the life he wasted for you.