An Audience Of One

I wrote this many years ago but was reminded of it this morning as I began to question my abilities and found myself seeking the approval of man. It reminded me to keep my eyes on the composer of my life and off perfection.

 

Mathew 6:1 {The Message Bible} Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but God who made you won’t be applauding.

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Let my life be played before an audience of one. Let every step I take, every word I speak be orchestrated by the divine conductor of my life. As I sing His song, share His love and console His hurting, let it not be for applause but for the Glory of God. There have been numerous years of effort to get to this place, a position where the evaluation of man no longer holds the weight it once did for me. I had sought the applause of man to make up for my lack of destiny and assurance of whom I was created to be. I have performed like a paid actor seeking an agent to tell me that I got my part right. There were many situations when I was sincere in my service but if nobody noticed, it was as if God himself gave me a bad review. When did I stop performing to the crowd and start performing before an audience of one? I cannot tell at what moment it started, I just know that all of a sudden it did not matter as much what others thought. I still feel the tug every once in awhile, a craving to be approved of, a longing to satisfy others. There are days that I long to hear, well done from my fellow performers in the drama of life. I appreciate that only the writer of the script knows if I am doing a good job at my performance, any one else can only tell me if I have tickled their fancy. I will continue to seek the gaze of my director cast upon me as I follow His script, watching His expression, hoping and yearning for His academy award at the end of my life. .

Foolish Things

1 Corinthians 1:26-27 The Passion Translation (TPT)

God’s Calling

26 Brothers and sisters, consider who you were when God called you to salvation. Not many of you were wise scholars by human standards, nor were many of you in positions of power. Not many of you were considered the elite when you answered God’s call27 But God chose those whom the world considers foolish to shame those who think they are wise, and God chose the puny and powerless to shame[a]the high and mighty.

 

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How foolish to trust in the unseen, to put all our confidence and hopes in someone who is invisible.

I’ve learned to depend on a silent voice speaking to me at the hub of my being. It is a presence that reminds me that I belong to the great ocean of His existence. When I sit in the midst of this silence something in me awakens to the veracity that this is my life force. It is in this still quiet place that I find refuge in God. Jesus often spoke about the Kingdom of God being within, yet we look every place but there. He encourages us to be still and know that I am God. When we let go of the nobility of our own thoughts, when mighty and impressive ideas have been swept away by the ocean of Gods presence we are left with the essence of God. In this stillness we can begin to get to the core of who we really are.  For undeniably, we have been called to the foolish things of Christ, it seems so irrational to push past everything that has been so dignified and established in my life, but as I am emptied of the images I’ve created, I am left with the foolish notion that I am a reflection of this massive ocean of Gods presence. I will live in this foolish notion satisfied that I am more than I ever dreamed or thought. I will trust in the invisible presence of God as He floods the eye of my heart with His light.  I will keep choosing to go beyond the veil of want and need of right and wrong to the incredible inheritance I have in Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

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Integrity with Self

 

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I find in my work, as a Life Coach that loss is something that almost everyone goes through.

Loss is very real and not always fun even when you know there is life and life abundantly on the other side.  I am discovering that life is not about winning but enjoying what you have already won.

A lesson I have only learned through perceived loss and then the realization if I let it go it is no longer loss but a lesson.

This experience has been an adventure.  I have meet many adversaries on the way some of them have been without but I hate to admit most of them have been within. The Spirit has helped me to navigate through the dark days. It is comforting to know that I have a navigation system within. I am constantly resetting my compass to success as I learn that there are no failures in life as long as you are a lifetime learner.

I will learn what I need from this destination on my journey. I know life will not stop here even if it might feel that way in the moment. I will keep going, each experience will add to my life. I am learning to let people handle their own emotions and feelings. I am only responsible for how I handle myself.

This has been a tough lesson. I am choosing to be open to other perspectives without judgment. There are times other will not understand who you are. They will judge your position or try to convince you of their superior position or knowledge of where they think you should be. I know this because I have taken that stance my self.

It is true that we all can learn so much from one another, but I have learned to be entangled with any person in your life means death to your own ability to hear from God.

I think the clinical name for it is co-dependent.

To live in integrity with my self I have had to step away from every controlling or co-dependent relationship.

I am learning to help people in a whole new way, to ask questions that causes them to seek the answers that come from the Holy Spirit and not play that role myself. There has been so many times when I really thought I knew what was going on in someone else only to learn that that was what I needed to look at in myself or perhaps a judgment I had come to about another.

I am learning to tread this path carefully, not to get entangled in another person’s stuff or believe I have the answers for everyone.

Its been challenging for I do believe that I can come along side those I am called to and support them as they seek to hear from their own internal guide. It has been an interesting journey to this point and there have been times I have crossed the line into areas I am now seeing I did not belong.

When I left my marriage I went through a period of pain and grief. It caused me to look deep into my heart and examine my motives.

I had to come to peace with the women I was in the past to enter into the new season I was walking into. I have begun to experience a freedom I had only dreamed about. I have begun to honor and cherish the women I was created to be. Strength and wisdom have arisen in me and as they have I am learning to embrace them. When you awaken to your authentic self not everyone will appreciate it. I have grieved over the judgments that have been thrown at me and cringed over how other people have perceived my strengths. All of this has helped me to learn to live in the no judgment zone, as I have let go of what I perceived others thought of me. Well-meaning statements and opinions have caused me to search for truth. Truth does not always come quickly; sometimes truth exposes lies that you believe about your self. In that moment you get to decide what you are going to believe. Perhaps your inner beliefs have contributed to the misunderstanding others have about you. I am learning you don’t have to tell them they are wrong. You only need to change what you believe about yourself.